life

 so i have exams in a few days, on 29th. minors. im so cooked i have no idea what the topics are. ill grind like hell from tomorrow night fr. also life is good. i cut off a toxic bitch ass "friend" who was always jealous of me and hated me from her guts. the fucking audacity she has is astounding. anyway im glad i dont call such a cheap person my friend anymore. 

i like a guy but he doesnt like me back. or i think he doesnt like me back. i thought he was a hidden gem and he was only beautiful in my eyes but turns out a lot of people share the same opinion and its pissing tf outta me. but i dont chase so im leaving him behind.(im trying to)

i gotta go pack im leaving for uni tomorrow, im at home rn

made a cheesecake, its good. 

i fell into it again, but idc anymore. God is outta my life, completely. he doesnt care about me anymore and likewise. 

i cut off another friend of mine who was so precious to me but not more than my sister. it was her birthday recently and i didnt wish her. i feel like i regret it but when i think about the fact that she wouldnt hesitate to do that to me for her sister, i feel like i did something right. She was the first friend i ever made in my entire life. and she was the person who took me for granted much more than anyone else. i miss her and ill always love her but never more than my sister. 

i miss someone. i used to talk to him last year but i stopped because i blocked him. for a few days and he didnt care enough to respond after i unblocked him. his replies used to take forever so i got pissed and blocked out of spite. but i miss him sm he was so sweet to me and everytime i reread our chat i regret it

but i wouldnt have liked him if i still talked to him, he was a avoidant guy who wouldve never taken me seriously enough to get into a relationship with me. and i felt the same way. so theres that.

um nothing more, i didnt have any life changing soul crushing event this year, i really hope i spoke too soon because this is the time when life usually starts lifing in the entire year. if this phase doesnt happen, the year was useless. anyway

thats it. im happy about the friends i have rn in college. i cut off bitches and i have some nice people as my friends now. theyre  not judgmental or disgustingly whiny and conceited.