not me but Him

 So I went to church today. I was really skeptical whether to go or not because i had my exam from 3 to 6 and my church ends at 12. But after my parents' coerced me to go, I had no choice but to say okay. And im so glad i said okay. Today was such a blessing in all aspects. Last night, after i wrote the previous entry, I read my bible and went to sleep. I prayed before sleeping, just staring at the ceiling and thinking. I felt such strong movement of the holy spirit that i could not stop my tears from strolling down my face. I really felt the presence of God that instant. I loved that feeling. Nothing ever compares to the way God makes me feel. He makes me feel important, precious. And i wonder why he does that. There are so many good people in the world whom he could've chosen over me. I deeply hate my actions and decisions. They ultimately lead me away from God. But as soon as i cry out to him, He's always there. He's always ready to reassure, to comfort, to forgive and love. I feel so unworthy of all this love. I am unworthy. That's not really news to me. Noone is worthy. So after the experience I had last night, I went to church today. It was so moving. The message was that Jesus is your bestfriend. My bestfriend, And its true, he definitely is. I don't know if i would even be here if he didn't choose me and shower me with love that one night. 

Coming to my exam, It was meh. I didn't attempt as many questions as i thought i would. I would've been really disappointed with myself, But thanks to God, I'm not. I know his plan is the best for my life and if he wants this to work out, nothing can stop it from working out. A rejection is a protection type shi. So yeah, Thats how my day was. I will read my bible tonight as well and everyday as well. I started with proverbs again and going according to the date. God loves me and im so glad he does. I wish I loved God enough to count on my love for him. One day, I'll definitely be able to count on my love for God the way I can count on his love for me. Till then, His grace will be my company, His love will be my peace and he will be my bestfriend.