Exams and yapping

 I recently realised that this blog was supposed to be about a diary. Something written for fun and not for educating people about my thoughts. So that's what ill be writing from now on. Ill think of this diary from my perspective and not from the readers perspective. The ultimate goal is not for entertainment but for peaceful crashing out.

So my exam is tomorrow. I wrote a lot of exams but honestly I didn't prepare well for even one of them thoroughly. Not even tomorrow's exam. All these entrance exams make me wonder if i even want to study. I'm not satisfied with any of the results of any exam that i've given yet. But i guess that makes sense. I'm not supposed to dream of good marks without putting in effort. But I guess that has always been me. Expecting unrealistic things. Dreaming of what I don't try to get. Yearning. Everything has always been like that for me. I mean i don't remember half of my school life. The only few things i remember are 1. Being slapped for not doing homework 2. Being told to bring my sister for not completing notes and 3. My friend's Okra curry. The first two sound sad and all but i laugh thinking about it now. School is only 7th,8th,9th and 10th classes for me where 8th and half of 9th classes were snatched by covid. I was quite invisible before 7th class. But somehow i started socialising in 7th and by 9th, I was an extrovert. I didn't know my classmates before 7th and suddenly after 9th i knew people from other sections, Juniors too. Maybe its because of my company in school. I had extroverted friends. Friendship is the only appreciable thing my school gave me. Anyway, I have an exam tomorrow for which i put in 10% effort. I have no idea what ill do. If nothing works out and i don't get accepted in any college, I hope some rich man of God finds his way to my house. Speaking of God, I went through a phase again. It was quite difficult but what is a christian life with no difficulty. Is it even a christian life if it isn't difficult? However, I am better now. I am back with God. Recently, I chose a career for myself which i thought would make me happy. But my parents didn't really approve of it. That's when i started to talk to God again asking for guidance, Then, I read my bible and read this one verse from Proverbs that told me to stfu and listen to my parents and stop trying to be rebellious. I was clocked. Humbled. But ik God has the best plan for me and i trust him with my life. He can make all the important decisions for me. So i decided to listen to my parents. I reallly realllllyy hope God helps me someway in tomorrow's exam. Honestly, I don't think i'd even join a college from this exam. It's kinda like my last resort. But that doesn't mean i just write shit. So i hope it goes well. If it goes well, itll be the first exam that went well. 

I went off topic so many times. I'm glad it's not a competition because this is how my mind usually works. It jumps from one topic to another faster than the speed of light.